14. Aftermath of a Good night out

I think I had recovered well, almost to the end - until yesterday night. I had made it pretty obvious with all my trying to get away and being distant and all. (Which made me realise what a coward I could consider to be.) But sometimes it seems he's cottoning on...good.

Went out last night and the party was fun. I got along well without said person who was also there. But then there were things that got brought up again with comments and actions of people that's just made me all emotional again. I went there, pretty much with the thought in my mind of just not caring what he does and what time he was going there and just going to make some new friends and have plain fun.

Eventually we'd met up because of mutual friends who I'd been talking to earlier. But the thing was, I pretty much paid all my attention to other people than him and I dunno, did he expect me to flirt in the same way as I would with others? Which lead him to to a very attention seeking thing of picking me up only to place me on someone's (who's got a girlfriend) lap for no apparent reason - and we were all like - what the? - must be that he was drunk. Then after some more dancing, a friend mentioned how 'into' me he was, and I shouted over that I don't care, but I just couldn't help thinking how falttering. And - well the point of this was as I briefed earlier - why does he expect me to pay attention to him? I'm ignoring you so, why on earth would I dance with you - plus if I were to flirt with you what a blatant waste of effort would that be!? And later, when he'd said goodbye to leave (to go elsewhere), I had pushed him away pretty much, because I got so bothered over the whole thing.

I wasn't too pleased about the ideas that people might have of us. It's because I just really want to get over this and with people with the wrong ideas - it's just really shitting for me. AND I'm not going to be a wingwoman or whatever anytime soon, because I don't deny I am bitter and twisted.

I guess the consolation was after we'd left and was walking to transport, we had stopped to talk to some friends we bumped into and then I saw that said person had wandered from where we came and sat down alone around on the decks near the water. Perhaps he couldn't get into the other club he was headed off to....whatever.

But really, for me to be all huffed up about it means I've only stopped appearing that I cared. But I think it may be obvious on my part that I do. I just want this to end - maybe I should stop being a coward.