I know that I have to move on. I don't know if I should still confront him and say that he used me and I feel...like, I still don't know how to put it. But I see that he doesn't like me in that way anymore - and probably for a long time.
So, I have ignored his calls, calls that are meaningless, asking where I am just before a lecture. I try to ignore him and talk to someone else. On MSN I have never started a conversation and I've been 'distant' by not replying in a timely manner. I try to be cold and kinda slack (because I am a horrid person). But I'm afraid of losing a friendship - although I know I just have to get over it. And really, it's my problem that I have to resovle with myself.
I know that I just need to get with someone new. Here's the catch though, I like people, but I'm unsure if they like me and those who like me, I do not like. Also, I've become a firm believer of the fact that guys should ask girls out and not the other way around. So - I'm starting to think that I'm stuck in some sort of vicious cycle. Some cycle that I recognise that I can only break.
But one thing's for sure: I've come to see that I know more people than I had actually thought at my new uni. So, that's pretty good, especially when I have someone to talk to in all classes. Just to kill the loneliness if anything. And I suppose, I just need to get out there and do something social.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
12. Not a social butterfly
So, summer break is over and university in a new place has begun. All new faces, all new classes, all new days, all new weeks and an all new year.
My resolve to get me out of this is too spend a little time as I can with said person. I thought about it and it would be bad to lose his friendship, especially when he's one of the very few people that I know at this new university. Hopefully this aspect will change.
The only thing that bugs my mind and my friends is that he still sometimes offers to give me lifts home. Normally for people who live in the same area it is entirely understandable, but as I've said, we live on opposite sides of the tracks! I do mention that is is plainly out of the way, but he says that he likes driving (and to kill time), so, me being me, accepts the offer of a lift. I know I should have refused and said no, for the better of me, but a little bit of me wants him to suffer, if indeed if it was out of the way - I mean it's a lonely drive back home. So I don't know what to make of it, but if it is the act of a friend, then 'tis a good friend and perhaps one should keep.
Lately, I've gone back to my introspective self, or cynically, a hermit. I'm not a social butterfly, I'm actually quite shy and have little to talk to people about - or perhaps it's because I'm feeling this way. I'm a person who needs the other person to direct conversation, and then I'll come alive and bounce off them.
I've also pretty much decided that I'm probably only going to go for a longer-term relationship and I will be patient for that to happen. I'm a dedicated person and I have a lot to give.
My resolve to get me out of this is too spend a little time as I can with said person. I thought about it and it would be bad to lose his friendship, especially when he's one of the very few people that I know at this new university. Hopefully this aspect will change.
The only thing that bugs my mind and my friends is that he still sometimes offers to give me lifts home. Normally for people who live in the same area it is entirely understandable, but as I've said, we live on opposite sides of the tracks! I do mention that is is plainly out of the way, but he says that he likes driving (and to kill time), so, me being me, accepts the offer of a lift. I know I should have refused and said no, for the better of me, but a little bit of me wants him to suffer, if indeed if it was out of the way - I mean it's a lonely drive back home. So I don't know what to make of it, but if it is the act of a friend, then 'tis a good friend and perhaps one should keep.
Lately, I've gone back to my introspective self, or cynically, a hermit. I'm not a social butterfly, I'm actually quite shy and have little to talk to people about - or perhaps it's because I'm feeling this way. I'm a person who needs the other person to direct conversation, and then I'll come alive and bounce off them.
I've also pretty much decided that I'm probably only going to go for a longer-term relationship and I will be patient for that to happen. I'm a dedicated person and I have a lot to give.
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